Keeping up with the...who again?

Why is it that I feel the sudden urge to brag to Grace's pediatrician every time we go in? Not only about her but about myself? I am of course up on her developmental milestones, since I am an SLP...therefore, when he told me "she's doing everything we want her to be doing", I was underwhelmed to say the least. Of course my daughter is pulling to stand, and her receptive language is kicking in (in Spanish), of course. She is not saying words yet, but - come on! She is only 10 months after all. And what most people call first words are really babbling. She is able to follow basic one-step directions with a variety of words and is showing excellent social referencing. And even though she doesn't have any actual words, she sure is communicating with her hands and face. She lets us know when she has to go to the bathroom, when she is hungry, when she is sleepy, etc. Oh, and did I mention that she has a grasp of the concepts of happy and sad? Not to mention the fact that over 95% of the time, she is a happy, sociable, fun baby! So, could I just be happy that she is off the charts a wonderful daughter? No, I need the pediatrician to be impressed as well. And, while he's a nice enough fellow, he definitely did not display the amazement that anyone in their right mind should display when in the presence of such a baby Einstein (is that trademarked? oops)! So, when he told me that she was right where she needs to be, with the exception of her gargantuan head (97th percentile, while height and weight are definitely nowhere near that), I showed him by simply nodding my head and trying to get Grace to show off. Kids are so modest at this age, so naturally, she did not show him many of her skills.

So, why did I feel the need to impress this unimpressive pediatrician? What hormone courses through a mother's veins that makes them feel this constant urge to show up everyone around them? And why, even though I know it makes me look ridiculous, can't I stop? Is it preparation for the later years when I will embarrass her by wearing the mom jeans and spitting onto my finger to wipe eye gunk out of her eyes, while yelling "I love you" at the top of my lungs? Is it some darwinian leftover skill from when only the best made it past toddlerhood? Is it simply the parental version of keeping up with the Jones'? Whatever it is, I left the office feeling kind of foolish for having had such strong feelings...

Jan/Feb, by Marcella McCollum

I'd like to share my Walgreens Photo Center photos with you. Once you have checked out my photos you can order prints and upload your own photos to share.

Epiphany- or life and all it's distractions.

Well, maybe it's a bit of an overstatement, but I had been looking for how to keep a journal about how I have been feeling since Grace was born, complete with the little joys/challenges. I totally forgot about my blog...

Anyways, there is WAY too much to start at the beginning, and I wouldn't begin to be able to remember every little time she caused my heart to jump or skip a beat, as well as the times when I felt like an awful mom. So, we'll start with today.

Today I worked a full day - well, I missed my wake up call from James (who is in Chicago, the lucky devil) and so had to wait for traffic to die down to drive to work. Luckily I had no appointments and was able to work at home while the rush hour passed. I met with a variety of work colleagues, had a good therapy session and assessed a beautiful child who is trying her best to communicate. Then the rain came. I tried to get my mom to drive up with me so that I could stay later at work, but when no one would come with me, I decided to drive home early, see and nurse Grace and then go to Peet's to work on a report. Good thing - I just got an alert that my commute, which is supposed to take 35 minutes was taking 65 minutes at 4:30. So, I went home, nursed Grace and played for a little while. Then, I went to Peet's. I started off well enough, scoring test results, but when it came time to write the report, I noticed that I was distracted. So, here we are...no report written, and it has been an hour. I need to get home to be a mom to Grace, but when Ines (family who takes care of Grace) is there, I feel like I don't have to, and I know that Ines will be leaving soon enough, and I will go back to having my two full-time jobs. Grace, and work...

Does that sound resentful? It's times like this that I feel guilty most of all. I wonder if I can truly do both jobs well, and shouldn't I be putting more time into the most important one? Nevermind the fact that I am actually in a good place at work and don't have to finish this report today because I have time blocked off tomorrow for that very purpose. I guess I feel like if I had time today, and since I left a little early, I should put in the time. Just some musings that have kept me from work today. Nothing big or noteworthy, but maybe if I start today, I will actually get to capture those heart-tugging moments, or heart-wrenching ones as well. Thanks for letting me share.