Epiphany- or life and all it's distractions.

Well, maybe it's a bit of an overstatement, but I had been looking for how to keep a journal about how I have been feeling since Grace was born, complete with the little joys/challenges. I totally forgot about my blog...

Anyways, there is WAY too much to start at the beginning, and I wouldn't begin to be able to remember every little time she caused my heart to jump or skip a beat, as well as the times when I felt like an awful mom. So, we'll start with today.

Today I worked a full day - well, I missed my wake up call from James (who is in Chicago, the lucky devil) and so had to wait for traffic to die down to drive to work. Luckily I had no appointments and was able to work at home while the rush hour passed. I met with a variety of work colleagues, had a good therapy session and assessed a beautiful child who is trying her best to communicate. Then the rain came. I tried to get my mom to drive up with me so that I could stay later at work, but when no one would come with me, I decided to drive home early, see and nurse Grace and then go to Peet's to work on a report. Good thing - I just got an alert that my commute, which is supposed to take 35 minutes was taking 65 minutes at 4:30. So, I went home, nursed Grace and played for a little while. Then, I went to Peet's. I started off well enough, scoring test results, but when it came time to write the report, I noticed that I was distracted. So, here we are...no report written, and it has been an hour. I need to get home to be a mom to Grace, but when Ines (family who takes care of Grace) is there, I feel like I don't have to, and I know that Ines will be leaving soon enough, and I will go back to having my two full-time jobs. Grace, and work...

Does that sound resentful? It's times like this that I feel guilty most of all. I wonder if I can truly do both jobs well, and shouldn't I be putting more time into the most important one? Nevermind the fact that I am actually in a good place at work and don't have to finish this report today because I have time blocked off tomorrow for that very purpose. I guess I feel like if I had time today, and since I left a little early, I should put in the time. Just some musings that have kept me from work today. Nothing big or noteworthy, but maybe if I start today, I will actually get to capture those heart-tugging moments, or heart-wrenching ones as well. Thanks for letting me share.